Tuesday, November 29, 2011

22 Week Stats

Baby Kwon started kicking around 19 weeks and I felt the kicks very clearly. But now when I don't feel it move for a while I start to get all paranoid and try to stimulate it by singing lullabies (or drinking some OJ). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's probably just like "Can I get some peace and quiet down here?!"

My belly just recently "popped" and it's very noticeable that I'm preggers now. I guess it's time to run over to Forever 21 to buy a bigger pair of $7.50 jeggings. So cheap! :D My belly button is making a slow disappearing act on my stomach and I assume that it will soon become an "outie." Dave laughs every time I show him my belly button cause it just looks so ridiculous. And I can't stick my finger in it anymore.

I gained about 13 pounds so far, which brings me up to 107 pounds!! My OB said she estimates I will gain about another 20 lbs by the end of my pregnancy. Holy cow. That means I will be 30-35 pounds bigger than what I started off at. Joo-yuh...

My hair is still falling out, which I don't get. Everyone said I should have really nice thick hair which doesn't fall out no matter what. Actually, I read somewhere that you're growing a surplus of hair right now that will shed some time later after you give birth (I hear you lose a LOT of hair). That makes me really worried cause if I'm losing hair now when I'm not supposed to be, I will probably be bald after the baby comes. I should start looking into wigs right now, sigh. Anyone want to donate their hair to me?

Some people have pointed out that my chest area is getting bigger (no less at church!). Yes, thanks for noticing AND pointing it out. Hahah.

Baby is turning into a little chub-a-lub inside. In fact, the doctor weighed it in at 12 ounces at 20 weeks although the books all say it should be around 10 ounces. I bet it's over a pound now. Errr... I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to be delivering a 10-pounder O_O

The 20 week anatomy scan was sooo super cool. The technician was able to find all the organs and show us on screen, even the tiniest ones like its kidneys! (except of course the genitals cause we wanted to keep it a surprise!). Dave asked him if the brain seemed to look a little small. Umm... why are you so worried Dave? Don't worry, I think you're smart. S-M-R-T.

Can't believe Thanksgiving has already come and gone. Splitting time between two families was pretty hectic this year. But it was satisfying for Baby Kwon since I fed it an insane amount of food (hence why my stomach popped overnight). It should technically be more chaotic next year when the baby comes but I've already decided that we're going to escape to Georgia so we can avoid the family craziness up here! :P

Dudes, I'm sooo ready for Christmas.... and the gender reveal!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Ohhhhh..... we're half way there

I'm almost 20 weeks now and I can feel definitive moves from the baby. He/she loves kicking around... especially when I'm trying to go to sleep. Wow, showing defiance so early!

I love hearing people's gender guesses. My OB didn't give me a guess so I really have nothing to go by. We can potentially find out this Thursday but Dave and I decided to find out a little later on to make it more of a "surprise." I know this will drive some of our friends crazy (ahem Bori, Stony, Susan Bang, amongst others) but just look at it this way— at least I'm not making you wait until I give birth. Hahaha. Not that I could wait that long myself.

It's been interesting to measure myself up against all the gender myths out there to see where I stand. I think it calls for a whole separate blog post though since there are so many old wives tales out there. And sometimes when I think about it too much it gets so confusing and starts to drive me mad.

We are going to (finally) get a new car this month. We are eyeing the Nissan Rogue at this point but my parents keep insisting that we get the Nissan Murano, which is 'bigger and better' they say. I don't know how they would even know since they drive an Acura TL and my dad has never been behind the wheels of an SUV before. Korean parents will always be Korean parents. Sigh.

My mom and dad are pretty awesome though despite their pushy ways. They come over with ten bags of groceries from HMart and put half the food in the fridge and use the other half to make galbijjim and other delicious meals to eat later on. I don't know if they spoil me cause I'm a girl and I'm the one who's pregnant. Actually, they spoil Dave too. What am I talking about. Which makes me wonder if I'll be the same way with my kids when I get older. I asked my sister what she thought and she rolled her eyes first and answered with a resounding "duh!"

Monday, October 31, 2011

"Mean Mommy"

I start 18 weeks this week, but I won’t forget about how hormonally imbalanced I was during week 17. Holy cowsers. My hormones were out.of.control. I’ve never been so angry and upset before about anything and everything. And poor Dave of course had to experience the crazy psycho pregnant me for the past week (it’s okay we made up). Seriously, everything would bother me. Silly things would make me sad. And I couldn’t control my emotions at all. Mike Yi once said you could tell if a pregnant woman is having a girl or boy by how hormonal she gets during pregnancy. Meaning that if she’s carrying a boy, he’s producing testosterone so she’s more inclined to be crazy. (Not sure how accurate this is but according to his observation, women like Jeannie got “softer” during pregnancy. And guess what? She had two girls.)

So anyway, I was reading the What to Expect book that’s on my kitchen counter and I like to go through it every week just so I know what’s going on with the little guy (or girl) inside. The book mentioned that the baby has developed facial muscles and could actually make different facial expressions now. Great. So for the past few days, I keep imagining that while the baby was hearing his crazy mom screaming, he/she would make these painful grimaces with his face or frown cause all he hears is LOUD noises coming from up there. (Then I picture the baby shaking its fist going “Mean Mommy!”) 0_0

Sometimes I forget that there's a living being inside of me that could hear everything. Yikes. Maybe I should learn to tone it down a bit. Sorry, baby....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I've turned into the biggest cry baby

Last night I was in deep sleep dreaming about being back in middle school. I saw familiar faces and we were eating together and engaged in conversation just like the old days. In fact, I was dating a guy that I was with back then, too. (So strange.) But this guy and I had gotten into a fight and he refused to come to the restaurant where my friends and I were at. I tried calling him, pleading with him, but all he wanted to do was stay home and play video games (typical guy).

I don’t remember what made me so sad but I remember in my dream realizing that this guy did not love me. Not because he wouldn’t eat with me, but I knew deep inside that he did not feel for me the way I felt for him—and that made me utterly sad.

I woke up from my dream around 4:45am and just stared at the ceiling, still feeling a twinge of hurt… when I realized someone next to me was snoring (LOUD). I turned my head to the left and was SO shocked to see Dave lying next to me that when I realized it was all a dream, I started to bawl… for like 30 minutes. (Oh, and I totally didn’t remember that I had a baby either.)

Call me crazy…. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if I was just really relieved to see Dave next to me, or if I thought I’d be chasing after the wrong guy all my life but all I know is that the heartfelt pain was pretty real. But then again, it doesn’t take a lot for me to be sad these days.

When I read a news article about a baby with Tay Sachs disease that won’t make it past his second birthday or I read horror stories about how our grandmothers and mothers gave birth back in the day (let's just say I am so fortunate to be born during the era of the epidural), or I see a video about the woman who decided to forgo chemotherapy in order to save her baby’s life, I am ridden with such sadness that I find myself crying. Even when I hear a song on the radio with a sad melody or lyrics that are gut-wrenchingly painful, I get a little choked up. I haven’t cried during any commercials though—as is the common stereotype of pregnant women—probably due to the fact that someone in our house (hint: the snoring sleeper to my left) does a fast-forward through all the commercials cause he’s too impatient to sit through them.

Man, this would be the worst time for me to start watching Korean dramas. Can you imagine....??

Monday, October 17, 2011

Were we trying....?

The simplest way to answer this question is: no (Dave) and yes (me). We were thinking of trying later in the year in hopes that by the end of 2013 or the beginning of 2014 we would have a baby. Now, I don't know all the biophysical mechanics of how a baby is produced besides the obvious (man and woman do the deed), but what I do know that certain things have to match up to form an embryo.

I've shared this with some people but I've always felt that I would have a difficult time conceiving. I know it's a very irrational thought, but it's mostly because my period is so irregular and I never have any idea when I'm ovulating (TMI). And I’ve had people actually say things to me in the past like “It would be so tragic if you—the baby lover—couldn’t have kids.” So put all that inside my head and it’s a recipe for hyped up paranoia + anxiety.

Hence, thinking that it would take me several months to figure out my ovulation cycle and rhythm, I decided to take it upon myself to start "trying" sooner than later—just in case. Oh, and on a side note, I was secretly hoping to have a baby next spring since I was dreading being pregnant during the hot summer months. Not that I thought it would happen that quickly, but if it were up to me, I was thinking that it would be ideal to have a baby some time in April or May, when it’s not too cold and not too hot.

Lo and behold, the first month we threw caution out the window and went without contraceptives, we got pregnant (TMI?). I don’t know if it’s Dave’s super sperm or what, but it is kind of unbelievable how fast it happened. Funny thing is, I would always convince Dave afterwards by saying "trust me, we didn't just make a baby... it doesn’t just happen like that you know…" Somewhere inside, my ovaries are probably laughing at me.

But that is the truth. There’s a mystery behind conception that is so unexplainable and though this pregnancy was certainly unexpected, it is definitely such a blessing. : )

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Something borrowed...

It's funny. I kind of expected myself to go all out for our first baby and register for a gazillion stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong. I started a baby registry online when I was only seven weeks pregnant (and that's how Candice found out I was pregnant- she was doing a search for "David Kwon" the golfer and landed on our gift registry. How... embarassing). But I find myself actually wanting to buy/register for as few things as possible and just ask to borrow stuff when available. I think working in the parenting industry has made me realize how marketable baby stuff is- even though some things you literally use for only a month or two. I need to sit down and come up with a list of "what not to buy when pregnant" so I can help other new moms beat the system. Ha.

And of course I will be more than happy to continue the stream of lending stuff out when my baby retires from using whatever it is. Esp since my friends have been so generous with me! That is, unless I somehow get pregnant again super duper fast and need to keep everything stored for my second baby. If that happens, I will most likely rip my hair out.

P.S. Does anyone have the Snoogle body pillow that I can try out for a few days before deciding to spend sixty bucks on it? I realize asking for a pillow is sort of a personal thing, much like me asking to borrow your maternity bra (which I'm also tempted to ask for) but I won't go there....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I live with the food police

Friday night Dave and I went grocery shopping (seriously, we're livin the life) and I had to practically beg him to let me buy some ice cream. (Last time he didn't let me buy it and said "no ice cream for you!" so this time he was really nice about it.) I know he means well but sometimes it's hard for me not to take it personally

All day Friday I ate like crazy and stepped on the scale Saturday morning to see that the numbers went up. His reaction: "You gained a POUND over night?? Dude, that's a lot." (Insert sad face.)

I blame it on myself. I gave him full license at the beginning of this pregnancy to be a nazi with me since I obviously don't have any self control (I caved in and ate half a hot dog on Saturday. Eek!). Some Well girls have unofficially started a "Let Irene Eat" campaign as they feel that it's wrong for a husband to restrict a pregnant wife's diet. His response was pretty straightforward: I only need an extra 200-300 calories a day. Sigh. There's no arguing with him. (Little does he know I sneak in extra snacks during work. Booyah!)

Personally, I think he's scared that he'll gain weight with me. =P There are some guys out there who are more than happy to eat ramen with their preggers three times a day. Oh, but not Dave. He must maintain his physique. And therefore I must maintain mine. To some degree.

But my body is definitely changing. I'm starting to look less like a 13-year-old junior highschooler and gaining some womanly curves (these hips don't lie). But I don't want curves... I just want my boyish body back...

Although, I don't think Dave minds the curves all that much. Ha!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

No hiding it now

I was on my way to the bathroom when my Korean unnie coworker stopped me and blurted out "Are you pregnant?!" so loud that I'm sure the magazine staff on the other side of the office heard. So I guess there's no hiding it now, eh? And leave it to the Korean to be the big mouth. Ha.

I crammed my budding belly into my jeans once again (somehow) but this time also folded up a tissue and inserted right in front where the metal button touches my belly so there would be some room in between. Dave thinks I'm squishing our baby and he keeps saying I'm going to decapitate him/her. 0_0

Surprisingly, my appetite has slowed down a bit and I think I even lost weight (stepped on scale this morning and it read 97.0 lbs). I guess that's good news. Ha. (Not that I should be dieting during pregnancy!) My skin is also clearing up a bit which is great since I'm looking less like an hormonally acneic teenager.

I think the key is to eat everything in moderation, which is hard when you feel like your baby is eating your stomach lining. I started a food journal around my 8th week to make sure I'm not going (way) overboard during mealtime. If on one day I had lots of non-nutritious fast food, the next day I'll try to eat a Subway sandwich or something to balance it all out. I think it's helping so far, although sometimes I'm embarassed to log in everything I consumed in one day. (You'd think I was Michael Phelps training for a freaking Olympic competition.)

And if anything, I always have Dave to keep me in check. Here's a recent convo we had the other day:

Dave: Hey honey, you know what I'm going to get you after you give birth? *insert sweet smile
Me (Excited preggers): Ooh, what??? :D
Dave: A GYM Membership!!!!!
Me: -_______-

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The "Golden" Trimester

I'm finally here at 14 weeks. Woah, that was so fast. They say you have more energy during the second trimester and that statement could not be truer for me. Starting yesterday I could actually get out of bed, clean the house, take an hour walk during lunch and not feel incredibly pooped. I still can't really work out since I'm so dizzy all the time, but at least I can get my butt off the couch (finally) to do some chores like a normal person.

I announced the pregnancy on Facebook today since we're in the "safe" zone now. I didn't realize that Dave's mom didn't tell ANY of the relatives yet, so Dave's cousins had to find out through Facebook. EEk. Sorry, guys! (Felt kind of bad about that one.) I think so many people were expecting it, that I'm sure it didn't really come as a surprise to most of our friends. In fact, ever since we got married we were hit with the question "When are you guys going to have a mini Dave or Irene?!?!" It seems natural I suppose for us to have kids since I'm such a "baby lover" and I always steal other babies away from their moms :P But to have our own baby is so strange and special. I'm hoping the second trimester will fly by with all the holidays and what not coming up. Wow, we just made a birth announcement in a public forum. This is really happening.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Our little Elmer Fudd

(our sweet pea doing a fist pump and sticking out his/her tongue)

Since Dave couldn't get out of work to take me to go get the nuchal translucency screening, Esther graciously offered to take me instead. I thought I would be in and out of that place but the whole procedure lasted a longer than I expected.

The ultrasound guy was really nice and patient as I asked him a gazillion questions (as any neurotic new mom would). And oh by the way, the jelly thing they put all over my belly was really warm, not cold, as usually seen on TV. Once he put the thingy on my stomach, it was show time. I was pretty surprised to find out just how low the baby is. This entire time I thought the baby was right below my belly button, but little did I know ithat my baby is actually right by the pubic bone (seriously, I think Esther accidentally got a peep show). I can't believe it's all the way down there. My gosh, what if I poop it out by mistake?!

I had a much clearer view of the baby this time around and since the ultrasound lasted like thirty minutes, I was able to see the baby take a nap, wake up and do somersaults, put its hands to its mouth and more. It is incredible to see this mini human being (only three inches long so far) so developed and active. I was so curious and anxious to see if he could tell if it was a boy or a girl but even when we saw the baby's butt and legs spread apart, there wasn't much to see. I'm hoping my next appt at Dr. Amerson's office at 15/16 weeks will be a little more successful in terms of gender prediction. But seeing as though the baby looks sort of like Dave (or so I think) it has gotta be a boy...

Friday, September 30, 2011

Alive and kickin'

Dave and I got to go see Dr. Amerson yesterday (yay!). We were both a little nervous and didn't know what to expect since we both knew we would be able to see the baby on the screen but wasn't sure if what we were about to see would be considered normal.

Ever since our trip to Antigua, I've had this fear that I did something to harm my baby during the trip. I was basking in the sun all day, drenched in my own sweat and taking dips in our hot tub. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that overheating would be bad for the baby, but I realized a little too late.

As a physical therapist, Dave has worked with kids with disabilities, the most common of them being Spina Bfida. His biggest fear is having a child with one of these physical disabilities, since he's been exposed before and understands the difficulty of raising a child with special needs. And also for the child, the frustration and sadness he might feel being bound to a wheel chair or not being able to enjoy running around like the other kids.

But lo and behold. When Dr. Amerson inserted that wand thingy into me and the baby popped up on the screen, the first thing we noticed that how active the baby was. He/she was alive and kicking! WHEW. A sigh of relief. Since Spina Bfida usually means that the baby's legs wouldn't function properly, to see it moving around like that was a sign of hope that the chances would be low. It's surreal to see your 3-inch fetus swimming around in your stomach (though I can't feel it at all). It looked pretty normal on screen. Fingers were properly attached to the hands which seemed to be waving at us excitedly. And it had all the body parts visible at this stage.

Today I go in for the Nuchal Translucency screening to see if the baby is at risk for other chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome. All these tests are pretty frightening but I realize that at this point, there's not much I can do about it. I'm trusting that whatever the case, God will prepare me to handle what may come.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Things I’m looking forward to....

(dreaming of sailing away...)

One thing I’m looking forward to during pregnancy is having bigger feet so I can finally buy normal adult women’s shoes like a normal adult woman. (Not that being able to slip into kids’ shoes is a bad thing, but obviously the selections are pretty limited.) The other? Fabulous hair and nails. I’ve always had brittle thin hair and for once to have a voluminous sexy mane would be pretty hot. Oh, and nails that don’t chip every day. I think the prenatal vitamins along with the hormones are responsible for these beautifying bonuses.

I’m nearing my first trimester now and it’s crazy to me how fast it went by. Well, I didn’t know I was pregnant until week 5 or so, which made the time go even faster. I consider it very lucky that I found out sooner than later since I was eating massive amounts of sushi and soft served ice cream during the summer. (Did you know pregnant women can’t eat soft served ice cream? Listeria. Boo.) Besides the metallic taste in my mouth, the vertigo (which SUCKED), mild nausea, boob pain, lower back ache and cramps, I’ve had it pretty easy so far. They say that the second trimester is the “golden” trimester since you don’t have these symptoms anymore and you’re just happily eating away and not feeling as though you have your life sucked out of you. Perfect time to go on a babymoon, I hear.

Dave has never been to Paris and I would love to go with him this fall before we have this baby. I’m already sad that we couldn’t make a trip out to Korea and it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll be able to until our kids are about 14 (I dare not take them when they’re young for fear that I’ll want to jump out the window). I wonder if anyone has ever been to Paris for a babymoon. I’m guessing it’s not the most ideal place since you’d be tempted to eat stuff you’re not supposed to (Crepes with ham and cheese! Oysters! Yum!) and you’re pretty much walking around all day, which, if you’re carrying a bowling ball inside, might be pretty tiring after an hour or so.

I also wouldn’t mind going down to Florida but what’s the point if I can’t go on roller coasters?? Eh, I guess I can go to Disney but I’m sure we’ll be making more trips there when the kids get older, so I may want to put that on hold.

Maybe we’ll just take a cruise somewhere and eat like fatties on the ship and just chill out all day. That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But it could get boring just being on a big boat with just the two of you for several days. Which leads me to ask: Is it awkward to have people come crash our babymoon?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Don't breathe

(I need to get me one of these SARS masks)

I'm wearing normal jeans right now for what might be the last time ever. How I managed to get this zipped and buttoned up is quite a mystery to me since at any moment the button is about to pop right off and expose my pregnant gut. Solution? Don't breathe. All day.

Anyway, while taking a shower this morning I almost blacked out. Everything turned gray and fuzzy and I was about to fall over. So I quickly headed out and just laid on my bed for about fifteen minutes until I felt better. My biggest fear is feeling this kind of light-headedness while waiting for the subway or something. Can you imagine... omg. My second biggest fear is puking on the person in front of me while taking the bus... which almost happened today. I should start carrying doggy bags back and forth.

You know what else I should start carrying around? SARS masks. Why are there so many smokers in NYC? I'm literally holding my breath everywhere I go so I don't give my poor baby second degree smoke inhalation. Or what if I just went Muslim for 9 months and wore the headpiece. I can't breathe while walking around in the city. It's almost become stressful!

Totally off topic but Bori said she had a dream that was stomach was translucent (freaky much?) and she was able to see the baby which "looked like an actual baby with a head and arms and legs." (Thanks for the confirmation. It was pretty reassuring.) She also mentioned that it was a boy and looked JUST like Dave "but with bigger eyes." But babies' eyes are closed in the womb until they're born... so how could she tell his eyes were bigger? Hmm...

I've got a "pregnant soul sista" as she calls me and we're due one day apart! Her baby is actually due on my birthday! I can't reveal who it is but I'm sure her news will be announced soon. Speaking of, I'm just thinking of blasting it on Facebook when I officially start my second trimester about two weeks from now. I just don't want people wondering why I'm getting so fat all of a sudden. Is that really vain?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Back to normal.... Almost

So the vertigo is mostly gone. I can sleep pretty peacefully with no spinning. Yay! but I have dizziness all throughout the day. I'm constantly feeling light-headed, as if I'm riding a roller coaster. Seriously, pregnancy is one heck of a roller coaster ride.

My lower back is also starting to ache. While walking back home tonight I had to hold onto my lower back for support or else I felt like it would just come apart. Dave says it's cause the hormone Relaxin Is releasing throughout my body, causing all my ligaments and everything to become looser (to prepare for child birth). When I sneeze, I swear I'm going to throw out my back. (Oh, that brings back freshman year memories.)

The annoying thing for me might be my nasal congestion. Ever since we got a humidifier, it's been better, but I still wake up with hard, dried up bloody boogers in my nose every morning. I'm tempted to pick it, so I do, and I think it ends up scabbing and then turning into a brand new set of bloody dried up boogers. Ugh. I need to get one of those netty pot (?) things.

At least I don't have those painful sharp pains in my right boob anymore. Felt like someone was stabbing me with a fork. Actually, when I touch it though it feels rock hard like a clot. Errr... A milk clot? I don't understand why the body starts prepping so early for the baby. Couldn't the milk just all come in the last two weeks when it's about to be consumed? It's just extra weight that's being carried around. Oy.

Stony said that hormones peak during week 11 and 12 (I am 12 weeks and 1 day right now). And boy, am I hormonal as ever. I think this little scenario might give you an idea.

Dave: I brought you an everything bagel honey.
Me (pregnant psycho): WHAT?! I HHHHAAAAATTTEEEE everything bagels!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't KNOW that?!!!!!! I want WHOLE WHEAT BAGEL WITH VEGGIE CREAM CHEESE. OK!!?? (huffing and puffing)
Dave: O_o

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"The Pregnant Vertigo"

This week was absolute misery. Starting last Saturday, I experienced rapid spinning every time I put my head down on a pillow. It got progressively worse to the point where I couldn't tilt my head left or right or back. I would have to sit there upright on my bed and fall asleep. If you've tried doing this for consecutive nights, you'll see that the amount of sleep you actually get is quite minimal. What you end up with is neck cramps and lower back pain. Not fun.

On Tuesday Dave took me to the ER, where they gave me an IV and some meds which did nothing for me. They just kept referring to me as the "the pregnant vertigo" and left me alone in the room to rot with an IV stuck inside me. Why did I bother going to the ER? No idea. I should have taken Dave's advice and gone to see an ENT or Neurologist. Note to self: ER doctors don't do squat for you. (That is, unless you're my friend EJ.)

So on Thursday Dave took me to go see a Vertigo Specialist (ENT) who I now have a love/hate relationship with. He was great. He finally figured out what's wrong with me. I have some form of vertigo called Labrynthitis, commonly cured by steroids but me being pregnant and all, I need to lay off the steroids (dammit). He also did this maneuver on me--in what looked like some kind of psych ward--that made me SO nauseous and dizzy I threw up three times in his office.(If there's ever been a better way to avoid eating McDonald's for the rest of your life it might be to throw it back up cause I've taken a vow to avoid the golden arches forever.)

Surprisingly--or not--I've started to feel a little better after that horrific jedi move he did. Don't get me wrong, I walked out of his office like a deer in headlights hoping someone would accidentally shoot me in the head with a shot gun. But a day or two later, I'm actually able to put my head on a pillow and catch some zzz's... Wow, imagine that. I can sleep like a normal person again.

If there's one thing I wasn't prepared for in pregnancy it's got to be the vertigo. Nausea, vomiting, okay I can take that. But the uncontrollable spinning is completely unbearable. I was pretty certain that if I had to deal with this the rest of my life, I'd rather God come and take me right away. I know it all sounds very dramatic and hormonal, but in all seriousness, having vertigo is absolutely debilitating and if there's any organization out there where I can donate money to fund more research on treating pregnant vertigos, well, then sign me up.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The weighting game

(image of 12 week belly.)

At my very first appointment with Dr. Miller, the nurse weighed me in at about 93 pounds. I think I was more like 94 though. Well anyway, since that first measurement and the time I went to Dr. Chong's office (somewhere around 95 or 96 pounds) I haven't been able to tell my weight. It has been seriously driving me crazy since I know I have been eating like a pig and I was probably like ten pounds heavier since I first found out I was pregnant.

I made Dave run out and buy a scale from Target this week and just the other day I nervously stepped onto it. It read: 94.6 pounds. Woah, are you serious??? Even Dave made a remark about how "that doesn't sound right." (jerk!) but hey, I will take it. To my sweet relief, I did not gain a gargantuan amount even though I have been eating Wendy's, White Castle and sodium infested Korean food every night.

Here is the weird thing though. Just this morning, I stepped on the scale (at 95.4 pounds) and a few meals later when I stepped in again, it said something like 97.4 pounds!!! Is it possible to gain two pounds in two hours? Geez. Thank goodness I'm not neurotic enough to check after I eat dinner or I may come off the scale crying.

Tomorrow I am officially 11 weeks (I think) and that means after this week there are only two more weeks until the end of my first trimester!! I still have that nasty metallic taste in my mouth where it feels like I've been sucking on nickels all day. Yuck. But this might be a good thing. If food actually tasted good, I can't imagine how much more I would be eating.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Over-eating equals boy?

(I don't think I can look at another bowl of jjamppong this entire pregnancy)

We didn't get to see Dr. Amerson so we have to wait until the end of the month. Oh well. At least there will be some more progress with the little pea by the time we go in.

I've been eating so much. I feel like I'm eating for three. Yesterday I ate an entire bowl of jjamppong and gave myself a stomachache. I was about to hurl. I eat like I haven't eaten for days. And if I don't put something in my mouth every two hours, I swear my baby starts eating my stomach lining. Or so it feels.

Connie made a remark yesterday about how I'm probably having a boy since I'm always hungry. And I think I remember reading this somewhere in the What to Expect book. Boys have a bigger appetite, so you're more prone to eat more, too.

Sometimes I really don't want to find out and have it be a surprise. Am I crazy? Do I think I'm that patient?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Worry Wart

(9/11 memories)

Today was a weird day. Well, the morning was pretty creepy. I was sitting on the bus going through Facebook when I noticed a man get up and go up to the bus driver. He was wearing jeans, a button down and a black beanie and carrying two black bags. He started talking to the bus driver about 9.11 and Osama Bin Laden and terrorism. Everyone in the bus started looking around in panic. I was so freaked out, I was pretty sure I was going to cry. I texted Dave and told him what was going on. It was just so weird that the guy would do this as we were heading towards the Lincoln Tunnel. Okay, so I thought the bus was going to be hijacked. But I know I wasn’t the only passenger who thought that. (I’m not going crazy.)

Sheesh. I often think about what would happen if I died while I was pregnant, causing Dave to be a widow and dad of an unborn child. Gets me so sad when I think about it. And then on the flip side, I think about how it would be if Dave passed away all of a sudden during the next few months before I deliver. Again, tragic. I don’t know what I would do without him in the delivery room. My gosh, thinking about it makes me tear.

If something happened to one of us after the child was born then it would be a different story. I would probably just move in with my folks or something. I have no idea what Dave would do. He’d probably take our child and move out to Hawaii or something. Okay, why am I thinking about all these morbid thoughts…. Happy thought = happy baby

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

End of summer...

(first sonogram photo at 7.5/8 weeks)

Wow, I haven’t blogged in two weeks. I’m a terrible mommy blogger. Not that so much has happened. Let’s see… Hurricane Irene ripped through the Northeast, causing waves of panic all throughout the tri-state area and beyond. They pretty much shut down the city and people were stuck in their homes all weekend. We stocked up on water bottles and food, but we were able to make it out to brunch the next morning just fine. Good thing we moved out of our first apartment in Hoboken or we might have been s-c-r-e-w-e-d.

The end of summer is always nice at work since people are all away on vacation and it’s so relaxing in the office. It’s awesome since I only went into work a handful of times the past two weeks, which really worked out since my nausea started to really kick in at around week 8. My long commute to and from work is taking a toll on my body bit by bit. It’s actually not so much the length of the commute; it’s more so the stop-and-go motion of the bus. By the time I get out I want to head to straight to a bathroom and hurl. Speaking of, I haven’t been throwing up. At all. Which is really great. In fact, I have slight nausea here and there and the occasional headache (and an uncomfortable feeling in my lower back) but other than that, it’s been pretty easy going. Also probably cause I’ve been sleeping for 10 hours at home each day. Ha.

My appetite this past week was out of control. All I wanted to eat was fried, nasty grease. Kid you not. White Castle burgers, McDonald’s French fries, pad thai and tonkatsu were on my mind. And I generally don’t like fried, oily foods but something in my gut—literally—kept craving it. I’m pretty sure I’ve packed on like 7 pounds since my last doctor’s visit. I’m scared to step on a scale tomorrow.

Going back to my last doctor’s visit… so we went to Dr. Chong for my first prenatal visit. Let’s just say, that’s the last time I’ll be seeing him. He was fine, but that was the most perfunctory exam I’ve ever received. And it almost felt like he was uncomfortable looking at me (you know where). How’s the dude supposed to deliver my baby if he can’t look at me down there with a straight face? Plus, he’s way too Koreanized for my taste (he gave me a pamphlet in Korean). The only cool part was that we got to see our baby on the screen and hear his/her heartbeat! It was a crazy experience for sure. So tomorrow we go see Dr. Amerson, which I’m kind of excited about. I’m hoping we’ll get to see the baby on the screen again. I think it should look less like a tadpole now.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Sick and pregnant

There is only one thing worse than being sick (or pregnant) and that is being sick AND pregnant at the same time. I just got back from vacation and then had two days of photoshoot for work. And basically, my body crapped out on me. I'm freezing all the time and last night I was so severely congested and couldnt breathe out of either nostril so I had to breathe out of my mouth while sleeping. Now, I don't know how anyone could breathe out of the mouth for so long. Don't their lungs get tired? (Not to mention the beyond morning breath stench that oozes out of the mouth. Gross.) I woke up with bad chest pains so I stayed home from work. I would be crazy to try and make it into work today.

I googled some remedies for colds while pregnant and there really isn't much out there. All I kept thinking last night was how sweet it would to shove a bottle of Afrin right up my nose for one tiny spritz so it could clear the passageway. Gosh, I sound like a drug addict. Actually, Dave is pretty convinced that I am addicted to this stuff. What I would do for one spritz...

It's so crazy to me that the person carrying the baby can be sick as a dog or vomiting five times a day, yet the fetus inside is still fine. I guess that is why they call it the miracle of life...

By the way, I was totally sold out by a three-year-old. O said to me in front of one of my coworkers "Eemo, you have baby in your tummy, right?!" OMG. I tried to play it off but I don't think it really worked. Grrreeeaaaaattttt..... Doesn't she know how to keep a secret??!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Back from vacay....

(on a cruise ship in Antigua)

Can't believe we are back from Antigua aka our Babymoon already. Overall, the trip was pretty relaxing. Although it was a press trip, they didn't have too much planned on our itinerary, which was nice. I crashed every night around 9pm right after dinner and woke up the next day around 8am. It was perfect.

However, my pregnancy taste buds are starting to kick in and food either tastes weird or straight up bad. And trust me, I'm not a picky eater, but I have to say, I did not enjoy the food at all. Slight disappointment, but oh well. What are you going to do...Oh, I did consume a good amount of seafood though. And with every guilty bite, I would think to myself Is this bite of lobster going to turn my baby into a 7-fingered freak or something? Nah...

I can't seem to suck in my stomach anymore. So I'm wearing a two-piece but I'm not showing enough to be obviously pregnant yet and it just looks like I have a gut. Freaking great. I walked around holding a towel to my stomach. Even when I was just sprawled out on a beach chair, I felt like I had to cover my belly (although it gets sucked in and I don't look as gutty). If I stayed out too long and had the sun shining on me directly, I felt like I was roasting my baby so I couldn't really stand being under the sun for too long. Hence why I've come back looking Casper white as ever.

I realized though that I am kind of over tropical vacays. I get island fever after a while. I hope our next trip is to Europe. Or Korea. Although, I'm pretty sure I'd get sick of walking around all day. And a 13-hour flight to Korea doesn't sound too appealing either. I threw up on the way back and I can't tell if it's morning sickness, heart burn, or something bad I ate before I boarded. But I've been feeling nauseous ever since. Still, I was able to inhale a bowl of bap and kimchijjigae at 1am when I got to my parents' house last night. Gosh, my mom and dad are the best. I'm so glad I told them early that I was pregnant. I'm only able to milk this for 7 more months!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Leaving on a jet plane...

(whoever said depends was only for the elderly?)

So about two to three months ago, Dave and I received an offer to go to Antigua from work (which I gladly accepted, duh) and we're flying out tomorrow. It's funny though. Earlier this month, I couldn't wait to get my butt on that plane, but now I'm sort of nervous to fly. There are a lot of warnings in regards to pregnant women in their first and third trimesters flying on a plane. Supposedly it increases the risk of miscarriage(?!) or so some people believe. Thus, I'm a little apprehensive about the whole trip, but I'm sure once I get there I'll be thrilled to just relax poolside and do nothing. I mean absolutely nothing. If I wanted to, I could sleep 19 hours a day. And there's nothing I want more these days than SLEEP. I would kill for 19 hours of sleep.

I think part of the reason why I don't get enough sleep is cause I'm up peeing half the night. I've always had a tiny bladder, but pregnancy has somehow (if physically possible) compressed it to make it even smaller. I have to pee so frequently that I'm considering wearing Depends on the way to work God forbid I get stuck in one of those nightmarish delays. No doubt I would pee all over myself. The second I get off the train and head into the office, I have to pee SO bad that I literally do a little pee-pee dance to shake off the gotta-go-now feeling. And just as a tease to my bladder, of course I'm always thirsty too.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Male vs. Female OB/GYN

My search for an OB/GYN has been pretty slow. I've looked into more than a dozen doctors but either they're located too far away or their office hours suck. And the recommendations I keep getting are for male doctors. I'm sure guys docs are more than capable of delivering a baby and sympathizing with a pregnant woman's hormonal madness, but my initial preference was to go to a girl doc. I think Dave would be more comfortable with that too. One of the doctors that was recommended to me is this Korean male OB who is an elder at some church. Uh, that would make me feel like my father-in-law is delivering me or something. WEIRD. Well, I guess I need to shake off my awkwardness since I was able to book an appointment with him for next Friday. Awesomeness. Plus, he opens late on Fridays and has office hours on Saturday, which is atypical of OBs. So I'm going to give him a shot. But as soon as the weirdness reaches a certain level, I may have to back out. Those office visits are no joke. Talk about invasive procedures (sticking his hands up my you-know-what). My running joke with Dave is that as long as the doctor doesn't have enormous hands, I should be fine.

This past weekend, we broke the news to the Wellders and some other people. I am glad I ended up telling them. Esther was definitely the most surprised. I think she was more shocked than I was at first. Ha. I think no matter what happens, it's so important to have your community there for you.

By the way, I have my mom calling every day to see if I drank my two glasses of milk and to inquire about out what I ate for lunch (God forbid I feed my baby fast food or Lean Cusine). She won't even take me to eat jjajangmyun cause she says there is no real nutritional value in noodles. I thought pregnant women were allowed to eat whatever they want and give in to their cravings. Dude, I am craving all sorts of Korean food... Kimchijjigae, mandoogook, dwenjangjjigae, ddukbokki.... Sigh. I should go eat a banana or something.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I had no idea...

(old wives tale = fruit dreams mean baby girl)

For some reason, I always thought I would know when I became pregnant. Not that I am so in tune with my body or anything, but I felt like I would at least have some sort of idea. I blame it on my non-symptoms, as I would call it. No morning sickness, cravings, food aversions or anything. I feel like I should be hugging the toilet bowl and gagging. Maybe then I would feel more pregnant... I've been feeling really dizzy for a while but had no idea that it was due to pregnancy. Thought I was going to fall over and collapse the other day from the room spinning. I suppose I should be thankful for the mild side effects. I asked my mom today how her pregnancy was and she said she wasn't nauseous or throwing up. I guess we will see about that. By next week I could be projectile vomiting all over the toilet bowl.

My mom said she had a dream that she was eating lots and lots of fruit, which she translates as me having a girl. We had dinner with the Zangs today and Nancy is really hoping I have a girl too. I guess it would be nice to have a daughter first but then I keep thinking of my dad who is probably kneeling on the corner of his bed begging God to grant him a grandson. Oy. I feel like I need to redeem my dad of his inability to produce a boy. But then again, there is still hope in my sister.

Sabrina and I went to some stores today during lunch to look at maternity wear. Gosh, I am so not looking forward to that. I'm seriously going to wear the same uniform every day: stretchy tank, leggings, cardigan and boots. It will be winter when I start to get huge so I think it will be acceptable office wear. I don't know how some pregnant woman manage to look so put together and nice all the time. I've already made up my mind that I will just be a fat bum.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

"Welcome to poverty"

As it turns out, Dr. Lisa Ann Miller stopped practicing OB a few years ago. She is now just a regular GYN and reproductive surgeon. What.the.flip. So Dave, Eunice and I went to her today thinking we'd hear a baby's heart beat, but all I got was a pap smear (OUCH!) and some bloodwork done. Oh, at least she DID confirm that I was pregnant. Actually, the nurse confirmed it for us and congratulated us with these exact words: "Welcome to poverty." Wow, did she really say that to us? Are people that insensitive and rude? I guess so. At least we don't have to go back there since the doctor is no use for me (unless one day I'm considering a reconstructive vaginal makeover) so that's that.

I'm so confused about my due date since you're supposed to calculate the first day of your last period but since my cycle is longer than 28 days, I don't know if I'm supposed to add a week or something. That means my due date can be anywhere from April 2nd to 11th. Either way, right near my birthday. Yep. Had I known this year would be my last birthday celebration ever, I would have gone all out with a bang...

I told Bori today that I was expecting and she looked so shocked I swear her eyeballs were going to pop out of her socket right into her salad. I was trying to think of a clever way to tell her, but in the midst of our conversation, she kept asking if Dave and I were going to have kids. So I whipped out the pregnancy stick photo on my phone and showed her. Kind of anti-climactic but oh well. She freaked out for a good five minutes. Pretty much the reaction I was expecting out of her...

Speaking of reactions, we completely threw all caution out the window and told all four of our parents today--individually. My mom didn't sound shocked at all. Just pleasantly surprised. I'm sure she's thinking "How the heck did she get pregnant?" since she's certain that Dave and I never see each other with our clothes off. (Sure, whatever floats her boat.) Dave's mom AKA mother-in-law was really sweet. If anything, she sounded even happier than my own mom. Ha. My dad completely stammered for a bit and then blurted out some comment about me having to be healthy and eat well, take care of my body, etc. Likewise, Dave's dad AKA father-in-law expressed the same sentiments. I must take care of my body. Okay, thanks, dads. Duly noted.

Too bad I really wasn't taking care of my body last month. I was shoving sushi into my mouth every other day (I'm about to cry thinking about 9 months without it) and doing things like P90X yoga and practically hospitalizing myself. Well, I certainly won't be doing that anymore. I could understand why pregnant woman just want to sit around at home and watch TV and eat junk food and get fat.... cause you're tired as HECK. Dave (God bless his soul) asked me today why I'm sooo tired since I'm only in the first trimester and I'm hardly showing (well, I have a slight bulge that just looks like ddong bbeh I never got to work off). Umm. excuse me. My body's preparing to grow a freaking placenta in my stomach on top of a living human being and exerting all its energy into that baby developing factory. Duh, I'm tired. I'm going to let him make it up to me by giving me a foot massage.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Finding an OB/GYN

Since I really haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant yet, I couldn't ask for any recommendations when it came to an OB/GYN. So I did what any other pregnant woman in my position would do and searched online. I knew I wanted a female doctor, but with some of these Middle Eastern names you really can't tell. Well, I think I found a good doctor for me. Dr. Lisa Ann Miller. She had pretty positive reviews on those health grade websites so I'm going to take other people's word for it. Dave and I are scheduled to go in and see her tomorrow. I really wonder how the meeting will go. Maybe she'll put that cold jelly cream on my stomach to try to find a heart beat. So crazy to think that the little lima bean has a heart beat. Right now my heart is going duh duh...duh duh...duh duh...just thinking about tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Yesterday was our two year anniversary. Dave took me out to Union Square Cafe, where we enjoyed some really good food and talked about how great life is, etc. He had plans to take me to some macaroon cafe afterwards, but I requested to cut the night short since I was feeling tired (as usual) and wanted to go get some rest.

Little did he know that I had a plan of my own. I found out yesterday in the morning that I was PREGNANT! I took four tests (from two different companies) to confirm the results. Trust me, the lines don't lie. I was trying to figure out all day how I would break it to him. I contemplated waiting a few days so that we could enjoy the night in peace, but I was so anxious and acting "strange" according to him, that he could probably tell that something was up.

So we came home and I gave him a card for our two year anniversary and told him that his gift was inside. I recorded him reading the card (my sister asked me to take a video of his reaction) and caught it on camera--the sheer confusion, fear, shock, and joy (which followed later) of it all. Can't believe we're going to be parents! Our third year is going to be so crazy!!