Monday, October 31, 2011

"Mean Mommy"

I start 18 weeks this week, but I won’t forget about how hormonally imbalanced I was during week 17. Holy cowsers. My hormones were out.of.control. I’ve never been so angry and upset before about anything and everything. And poor Dave of course had to experience the crazy psycho pregnant me for the past week (it’s okay we made up). Seriously, everything would bother me. Silly things would make me sad. And I couldn’t control my emotions at all. Mike Yi once said you could tell if a pregnant woman is having a girl or boy by how hormonal she gets during pregnancy. Meaning that if she’s carrying a boy, he’s producing testosterone so she’s more inclined to be crazy. (Not sure how accurate this is but according to his observation, women like Jeannie got “softer” during pregnancy. And guess what? She had two girls.)

So anyway, I was reading the What to Expect book that’s on my kitchen counter and I like to go through it every week just so I know what’s going on with the little guy (or girl) inside. The book mentioned that the baby has developed facial muscles and could actually make different facial expressions now. Great. So for the past few days, I keep imagining that while the baby was hearing his crazy mom screaming, he/she would make these painful grimaces with his face or frown cause all he hears is LOUD noises coming from up there. (Then I picture the baby shaking its fist going “Mean Mommy!”) 0_0

Sometimes I forget that there's a living being inside of me that could hear everything. Yikes. Maybe I should learn to tone it down a bit. Sorry, baby....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I've turned into the biggest cry baby

Last night I was in deep sleep dreaming about being back in middle school. I saw familiar faces and we were eating together and engaged in conversation just like the old days. In fact, I was dating a guy that I was with back then, too. (So strange.) But this guy and I had gotten into a fight and he refused to come to the restaurant where my friends and I were at. I tried calling him, pleading with him, but all he wanted to do was stay home and play video games (typical guy).

I don’t remember what made me so sad but I remember in my dream realizing that this guy did not love me. Not because he wouldn’t eat with me, but I knew deep inside that he did not feel for me the way I felt for him—and that made me utterly sad.

I woke up from my dream around 4:45am and just stared at the ceiling, still feeling a twinge of hurt… when I realized someone next to me was snoring (LOUD). I turned my head to the left and was SO shocked to see Dave lying next to me that when I realized it was all a dream, I started to bawl… for like 30 minutes. (Oh, and I totally didn’t remember that I had a baby either.)

Call me crazy…. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if I was just really relieved to see Dave next to me, or if I thought I’d be chasing after the wrong guy all my life but all I know is that the heartfelt pain was pretty real. But then again, it doesn’t take a lot for me to be sad these days.

When I read a news article about a baby with Tay Sachs disease that won’t make it past his second birthday or I read horror stories about how our grandmothers and mothers gave birth back in the day (let's just say I am so fortunate to be born during the era of the epidural), or I see a video about the woman who decided to forgo chemotherapy in order to save her baby’s life, I am ridden with such sadness that I find myself crying. Even when I hear a song on the radio with a sad melody or lyrics that are gut-wrenchingly painful, I get a little choked up. I haven’t cried during any commercials though—as is the common stereotype of pregnant women—probably due to the fact that someone in our house (hint: the snoring sleeper to my left) does a fast-forward through all the commercials cause he’s too impatient to sit through them.

Man, this would be the worst time for me to start watching Korean dramas. Can you imagine....??

Monday, October 17, 2011

Were we trying....?

The simplest way to answer this question is: no (Dave) and yes (me). We were thinking of trying later in the year in hopes that by the end of 2013 or the beginning of 2014 we would have a baby. Now, I don't know all the biophysical mechanics of how a baby is produced besides the obvious (man and woman do the deed), but what I do know that certain things have to match up to form an embryo.

I've shared this with some people but I've always felt that I would have a difficult time conceiving. I know it's a very irrational thought, but it's mostly because my period is so irregular and I never have any idea when I'm ovulating (TMI). And I’ve had people actually say things to me in the past like “It would be so tragic if you—the baby lover—couldn’t have kids.” So put all that inside my head and it’s a recipe for hyped up paranoia + anxiety.

Hence, thinking that it would take me several months to figure out my ovulation cycle and rhythm, I decided to take it upon myself to start "trying" sooner than later—just in case. Oh, and on a side note, I was secretly hoping to have a baby next spring since I was dreading being pregnant during the hot summer months. Not that I thought it would happen that quickly, but if it were up to me, I was thinking that it would be ideal to have a baby some time in April or May, when it’s not too cold and not too hot.

Lo and behold, the first month we threw caution out the window and went without contraceptives, we got pregnant (TMI?). I don’t know if it’s Dave’s super sperm or what, but it is kind of unbelievable how fast it happened. Funny thing is, I would always convince Dave afterwards by saying "trust me, we didn't just make a baby... it doesn’t just happen like that you know…" Somewhere inside, my ovaries are probably laughing at me.

But that is the truth. There’s a mystery behind conception that is so unexplainable and though this pregnancy was certainly unexpected, it is definitely such a blessing. : )

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Something borrowed...

It's funny. I kind of expected myself to go all out for our first baby and register for a gazillion stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong. I started a baby registry online when I was only seven weeks pregnant (and that's how Candice found out I was pregnant- she was doing a search for "David Kwon" the golfer and landed on our gift registry. How... embarassing). But I find myself actually wanting to buy/register for as few things as possible and just ask to borrow stuff when available. I think working in the parenting industry has made me realize how marketable baby stuff is- even though some things you literally use for only a month or two. I need to sit down and come up with a list of "what not to buy when pregnant" so I can help other new moms beat the system. Ha.

And of course I will be more than happy to continue the stream of lending stuff out when my baby retires from using whatever it is. Esp since my friends have been so generous with me! That is, unless I somehow get pregnant again super duper fast and need to keep everything stored for my second baby. If that happens, I will most likely rip my hair out.

P.S. Does anyone have the Snoogle body pillow that I can try out for a few days before deciding to spend sixty bucks on it? I realize asking for a pillow is sort of a personal thing, much like me asking to borrow your maternity bra (which I'm also tempted to ask for) but I won't go there....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I live with the food police

Friday night Dave and I went grocery shopping (seriously, we're livin the life) and I had to practically beg him to let me buy some ice cream. (Last time he didn't let me buy it and said "no ice cream for you!" so this time he was really nice about it.) I know he means well but sometimes it's hard for me not to take it personally

All day Friday I ate like crazy and stepped on the scale Saturday morning to see that the numbers went up. His reaction: "You gained a POUND over night?? Dude, that's a lot." (Insert sad face.)

I blame it on myself. I gave him full license at the beginning of this pregnancy to be a nazi with me since I obviously don't have any self control (I caved in and ate half a hot dog on Saturday. Eek!). Some Well girls have unofficially started a "Let Irene Eat" campaign as they feel that it's wrong for a husband to restrict a pregnant wife's diet. His response was pretty straightforward: I only need an extra 200-300 calories a day. Sigh. There's no arguing with him. (Little does he know I sneak in extra snacks during work. Booyah!)

Personally, I think he's scared that he'll gain weight with me. =P There are some guys out there who are more than happy to eat ramen with their preggers three times a day. Oh, but not Dave. He must maintain his physique. And therefore I must maintain mine. To some degree.

But my body is definitely changing. I'm starting to look less like a 13-year-old junior highschooler and gaining some womanly curves (these hips don't lie). But I don't want curves... I just want my boyish body back...

Although, I don't think Dave minds the curves all that much. Ha!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

No hiding it now

I was on my way to the bathroom when my Korean unnie coworker stopped me and blurted out "Are you pregnant?!" so loud that I'm sure the magazine staff on the other side of the office heard. So I guess there's no hiding it now, eh? And leave it to the Korean to be the big mouth. Ha.

I crammed my budding belly into my jeans once again (somehow) but this time also folded up a tissue and inserted right in front where the metal button touches my belly so there would be some room in between. Dave thinks I'm squishing our baby and he keeps saying I'm going to decapitate him/her. 0_0

Surprisingly, my appetite has slowed down a bit and I think I even lost weight (stepped on scale this morning and it read 97.0 lbs). I guess that's good news. Ha. (Not that I should be dieting during pregnancy!) My skin is also clearing up a bit which is great since I'm looking less like an hormonally acneic teenager.

I think the key is to eat everything in moderation, which is hard when you feel like your baby is eating your stomach lining. I started a food journal around my 8th week to make sure I'm not going (way) overboard during mealtime. If on one day I had lots of non-nutritious fast food, the next day I'll try to eat a Subway sandwich or something to balance it all out. I think it's helping so far, although sometimes I'm embarassed to log in everything I consumed in one day. (You'd think I was Michael Phelps training for a freaking Olympic competition.)

And if anything, I always have Dave to keep me in check. Here's a recent convo we had the other day:

Dave: Hey honey, you know what I'm going to get you after you give birth? *insert sweet smile
Me (Excited preggers): Ooh, what??? :D
Dave: A GYM Membership!!!!!
Me: -_______-

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The "Golden" Trimester

I'm finally here at 14 weeks. Woah, that was so fast. They say you have more energy during the second trimester and that statement could not be truer for me. Starting yesterday I could actually get out of bed, clean the house, take an hour walk during lunch and not feel incredibly pooped. I still can't really work out since I'm so dizzy all the time, but at least I can get my butt off the couch (finally) to do some chores like a normal person.

I announced the pregnancy on Facebook today since we're in the "safe" zone now. I didn't realize that Dave's mom didn't tell ANY of the relatives yet, so Dave's cousins had to find out through Facebook. EEk. Sorry, guys! (Felt kind of bad about that one.) I think so many people were expecting it, that I'm sure it didn't really come as a surprise to most of our friends. In fact, ever since we got married we were hit with the question "When are you guys going to have a mini Dave or Irene?!?!" It seems natural I suppose for us to have kids since I'm such a "baby lover" and I always steal other babies away from their moms :P But to have our own baby is so strange and special. I'm hoping the second trimester will fly by with all the holidays and what not coming up. Wow, we just made a birth announcement in a public forum. This is really happening.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Our little Elmer Fudd

(our sweet pea doing a fist pump and sticking out his/her tongue)

Since Dave couldn't get out of work to take me to go get the nuchal translucency screening, Esther graciously offered to take me instead. I thought I would be in and out of that place but the whole procedure lasted a longer than I expected.

The ultrasound guy was really nice and patient as I asked him a gazillion questions (as any neurotic new mom would). And oh by the way, the jelly thing they put all over my belly was really warm, not cold, as usually seen on TV. Once he put the thingy on my stomach, it was show time. I was pretty surprised to find out just how low the baby is. This entire time I thought the baby was right below my belly button, but little did I know ithat my baby is actually right by the pubic bone (seriously, I think Esther accidentally got a peep show). I can't believe it's all the way down there. My gosh, what if I poop it out by mistake?!

I had a much clearer view of the baby this time around and since the ultrasound lasted like thirty minutes, I was able to see the baby take a nap, wake up and do somersaults, put its hands to its mouth and more. It is incredible to see this mini human being (only three inches long so far) so developed and active. I was so curious and anxious to see if he could tell if it was a boy or a girl but even when we saw the baby's butt and legs spread apart, there wasn't much to see. I'm hoping my next appt at Dr. Amerson's office at 15/16 weeks will be a little more successful in terms of gender prediction. But seeing as though the baby looks sort of like Dave (or so I think) it has gotta be a boy...