Last night I was in deep sleep dreaming about being back in middle school. I saw familiar faces and we were eating together and engaged in conversation just like the old days. In fact, I was dating a guy that I was with back then, too. (So strange.) But this guy and I had gotten into a fight and he refused to come to the restaurant where my friends and I were at. I tried calling him, pleading with him, but all he wanted to do was stay home and play video games (typical guy).
I don’t remember what made me so sad but I remember in my dream realizing that this guy did not love me. Not because he wouldn’t eat with me, but I knew deep inside that he did not feel for me the way I felt for him—and that made me utterly sad.
I woke up from my dream around 4:45am and just stared at the ceiling, still feeling a twinge of hurt… when I realized someone next to me was snoring (LOUD). I turned my head to the left and was SO shocked to see Dave lying next to me that when I realized it was all a dream, I started to bawl… for like 30 minutes. (Oh, and I totally didn’t remember that I had a baby either.)
Call me crazy…. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if I was just really relieved to see Dave next to me, or if I thought I’d be chasing after the wrong guy all my life but all I know is that the heartfelt pain was pretty real. But then again, it doesn’t take a lot for me to be sad these days.
When I read a news article about a baby with Tay Sachs disease that won’t make it past his second birthday or I read horror stories about how our grandmothers and mothers gave birth back in the day (let's just say I am so fortunate to be born during the era of the epidural), or I see a video about the woman who decided to forgo chemotherapy in order to save her baby’s life, I am ridden with such sadness that I find myself crying. Even when I hear a song on the radio with a sad melody or lyrics that are gut-wrenchingly painful, I get a little choked up. I haven’t cried during any commercials though—as is the common stereotype of pregnant women—probably due to the fact that someone in our house (hint: the snoring sleeper to my left) does a fast-forward through all the commercials cause he’s too impatient to sit through them.
Man, this would be the worst time for me to start watching Korean dramas. Can you imagine....??