Friday, September 30, 2011

Alive and kickin'

Dave and I got to go see Dr. Amerson yesterday (yay!). We were both a little nervous and didn't know what to expect since we both knew we would be able to see the baby on the screen but wasn't sure if what we were about to see would be considered normal.

Ever since our trip to Antigua, I've had this fear that I did something to harm my baby during the trip. I was basking in the sun all day, drenched in my own sweat and taking dips in our hot tub. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that overheating would be bad for the baby, but I realized a little too late.

As a physical therapist, Dave has worked with kids with disabilities, the most common of them being Spina Bfida. His biggest fear is having a child with one of these physical disabilities, since he's been exposed before and understands the difficulty of raising a child with special needs. And also for the child, the frustration and sadness he might feel being bound to a wheel chair or not being able to enjoy running around like the other kids.

But lo and behold. When Dr. Amerson inserted that wand thingy into me and the baby popped up on the screen, the first thing we noticed that how active the baby was. He/she was alive and kicking! WHEW. A sigh of relief. Since Spina Bfida usually means that the baby's legs wouldn't function properly, to see it moving around like that was a sign of hope that the chances would be low. It's surreal to see your 3-inch fetus swimming around in your stomach (though I can't feel it at all). It looked pretty normal on screen. Fingers were properly attached to the hands which seemed to be waving at us excitedly. And it had all the body parts visible at this stage.

Today I go in for the Nuchal Translucency screening to see if the baby is at risk for other chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome. All these tests are pretty frightening but I realize that at this point, there's not much I can do about it. I'm trusting that whatever the case, God will prepare me to handle what may come.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Things I’m looking forward to....

(dreaming of sailing away...)

One thing I’m looking forward to during pregnancy is having bigger feet so I can finally buy normal adult women’s shoes like a normal adult woman. (Not that being able to slip into kids’ shoes is a bad thing, but obviously the selections are pretty limited.) The other? Fabulous hair and nails. I’ve always had brittle thin hair and for once to have a voluminous sexy mane would be pretty hot. Oh, and nails that don’t chip every day. I think the prenatal vitamins along with the hormones are responsible for these beautifying bonuses.

I’m nearing my first trimester now and it’s crazy to me how fast it went by. Well, I didn’t know I was pregnant until week 5 or so, which made the time go even faster. I consider it very lucky that I found out sooner than later since I was eating massive amounts of sushi and soft served ice cream during the summer. (Did you know pregnant women can’t eat soft served ice cream? Listeria. Boo.) Besides the metallic taste in my mouth, the vertigo (which SUCKED), mild nausea, boob pain, lower back ache and cramps, I’ve had it pretty easy so far. They say that the second trimester is the “golden” trimester since you don’t have these symptoms anymore and you’re just happily eating away and not feeling as though you have your life sucked out of you. Perfect time to go on a babymoon, I hear.

Dave has never been to Paris and I would love to go with him this fall before we have this baby. I’m already sad that we couldn’t make a trip out to Korea and it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll be able to until our kids are about 14 (I dare not take them when they’re young for fear that I’ll want to jump out the window). I wonder if anyone has ever been to Paris for a babymoon. I’m guessing it’s not the most ideal place since you’d be tempted to eat stuff you’re not supposed to (Crepes with ham and cheese! Oysters! Yum!) and you’re pretty much walking around all day, which, if you’re carrying a bowling ball inside, might be pretty tiring after an hour or so.

I also wouldn’t mind going down to Florida but what’s the point if I can’t go on roller coasters?? Eh, I guess I can go to Disney but I’m sure we’ll be making more trips there when the kids get older, so I may want to put that on hold.

Maybe we’ll just take a cruise somewhere and eat like fatties on the ship and just chill out all day. That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But it could get boring just being on a big boat with just the two of you for several days. Which leads me to ask: Is it awkward to have people come crash our babymoon?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Don't breathe

(I need to get me one of these SARS masks)

I'm wearing normal jeans right now for what might be the last time ever. How I managed to get this zipped and buttoned up is quite a mystery to me since at any moment the button is about to pop right off and expose my pregnant gut. Solution? Don't breathe. All day.

Anyway, while taking a shower this morning I almost blacked out. Everything turned gray and fuzzy and I was about to fall over. So I quickly headed out and just laid on my bed for about fifteen minutes until I felt better. My biggest fear is feeling this kind of light-headedness while waiting for the subway or something. Can you imagine... omg. My second biggest fear is puking on the person in front of me while taking the bus... which almost happened today. I should start carrying doggy bags back and forth.

You know what else I should start carrying around? SARS masks. Why are there so many smokers in NYC? I'm literally holding my breath everywhere I go so I don't give my poor baby second degree smoke inhalation. Or what if I just went Muslim for 9 months and wore the headpiece. I can't breathe while walking around in the city. It's almost become stressful!

Totally off topic but Bori said she had a dream that was stomach was translucent (freaky much?) and she was able to see the baby which "looked like an actual baby with a head and arms and legs." (Thanks for the confirmation. It was pretty reassuring.) She also mentioned that it was a boy and looked JUST like Dave "but with bigger eyes." But babies' eyes are closed in the womb until they're born... so how could she tell his eyes were bigger? Hmm...

I've got a "pregnant soul sista" as she calls me and we're due one day apart! Her baby is actually due on my birthday! I can't reveal who it is but I'm sure her news will be announced soon. Speaking of, I'm just thinking of blasting it on Facebook when I officially start my second trimester about two weeks from now. I just don't want people wondering why I'm getting so fat all of a sudden. Is that really vain?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Back to normal.... Almost

So the vertigo is mostly gone. I can sleep pretty peacefully with no spinning. Yay! but I have dizziness all throughout the day. I'm constantly feeling light-headed, as if I'm riding a roller coaster. Seriously, pregnancy is one heck of a roller coaster ride.

My lower back is also starting to ache. While walking back home tonight I had to hold onto my lower back for support or else I felt like it would just come apart. Dave says it's cause the hormone Relaxin Is releasing throughout my body, causing all my ligaments and everything to become looser (to prepare for child birth). When I sneeze, I swear I'm going to throw out my back. (Oh, that brings back freshman year memories.)

The annoying thing for me might be my nasal congestion. Ever since we got a humidifier, it's been better, but I still wake up with hard, dried up bloody boogers in my nose every morning. I'm tempted to pick it, so I do, and I think it ends up scabbing and then turning into a brand new set of bloody dried up boogers. Ugh. I need to get one of those netty pot (?) things.

At least I don't have those painful sharp pains in my right boob anymore. Felt like someone was stabbing me with a fork. Actually, when I touch it though it feels rock hard like a clot. Errr... A milk clot? I don't understand why the body starts prepping so early for the baby. Couldn't the milk just all come in the last two weeks when it's about to be consumed? It's just extra weight that's being carried around. Oy.

Stony said that hormones peak during week 11 and 12 (I am 12 weeks and 1 day right now). And boy, am I hormonal as ever. I think this little scenario might give you an idea.

Dave: I brought you an everything bagel honey.
Me (pregnant psycho): WHAT?! I HHHHAAAAATTTEEEE everything bagels!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't KNOW that?!!!!!! I want WHOLE WHEAT BAGEL WITH VEGGIE CREAM CHEESE. OK!!?? (huffing and puffing)
Dave: O_o

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"The Pregnant Vertigo"

This week was absolute misery. Starting last Saturday, I experienced rapid spinning every time I put my head down on a pillow. It got progressively worse to the point where I couldn't tilt my head left or right or back. I would have to sit there upright on my bed and fall asleep. If you've tried doing this for consecutive nights, you'll see that the amount of sleep you actually get is quite minimal. What you end up with is neck cramps and lower back pain. Not fun.

On Tuesday Dave took me to the ER, where they gave me an IV and some meds which did nothing for me. They just kept referring to me as the "the pregnant vertigo" and left me alone in the room to rot with an IV stuck inside me. Why did I bother going to the ER? No idea. I should have taken Dave's advice and gone to see an ENT or Neurologist. Note to self: ER doctors don't do squat for you. (That is, unless you're my friend EJ.)

So on Thursday Dave took me to go see a Vertigo Specialist (ENT) who I now have a love/hate relationship with. He was great. He finally figured out what's wrong with me. I have some form of vertigo called Labrynthitis, commonly cured by steroids but me being pregnant and all, I need to lay off the steroids (dammit). He also did this maneuver on me--in what looked like some kind of psych ward--that made me SO nauseous and dizzy I threw up three times in his office.(If there's ever been a better way to avoid eating McDonald's for the rest of your life it might be to throw it back up cause I've taken a vow to avoid the golden arches forever.)

Surprisingly--or not--I've started to feel a little better after that horrific jedi move he did. Don't get me wrong, I walked out of his office like a deer in headlights hoping someone would accidentally shoot me in the head with a shot gun. But a day or two later, I'm actually able to put my head on a pillow and catch some zzz's... Wow, imagine that. I can sleep like a normal person again.

If there's one thing I wasn't prepared for in pregnancy it's got to be the vertigo. Nausea, vomiting, okay I can take that. But the uncontrollable spinning is completely unbearable. I was pretty certain that if I had to deal with this the rest of my life, I'd rather God come and take me right away. I know it all sounds very dramatic and hormonal, but in all seriousness, having vertigo is absolutely debilitating and if there's any organization out there where I can donate money to fund more research on treating pregnant vertigos, well, then sign me up.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The weighting game

(image of 12 week belly.)

At my very first appointment with Dr. Miller, the nurse weighed me in at about 93 pounds. I think I was more like 94 though. Well anyway, since that first measurement and the time I went to Dr. Chong's office (somewhere around 95 or 96 pounds) I haven't been able to tell my weight. It has been seriously driving me crazy since I know I have been eating like a pig and I was probably like ten pounds heavier since I first found out I was pregnant.

I made Dave run out and buy a scale from Target this week and just the other day I nervously stepped onto it. It read: 94.6 pounds. Woah, are you serious??? Even Dave made a remark about how "that doesn't sound right." (jerk!) but hey, I will take it. To my sweet relief, I did not gain a gargantuan amount even though I have been eating Wendy's, White Castle and sodium infested Korean food every night.

Here is the weird thing though. Just this morning, I stepped on the scale (at 95.4 pounds) and a few meals later when I stepped in again, it said something like 97.4 pounds!!! Is it possible to gain two pounds in two hours? Geez. Thank goodness I'm not neurotic enough to check after I eat dinner or I may come off the scale crying.

Tomorrow I am officially 11 weeks (I think) and that means after this week there are only two more weeks until the end of my first trimester!! I still have that nasty metallic taste in my mouth where it feels like I've been sucking on nickels all day. Yuck. But this might be a good thing. If food actually tasted good, I can't imagine how much more I would be eating.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Over-eating equals boy?

(I don't think I can look at another bowl of jjamppong this entire pregnancy)

We didn't get to see Dr. Amerson so we have to wait until the end of the month. Oh well. At least there will be some more progress with the little pea by the time we go in.

I've been eating so much. I feel like I'm eating for three. Yesterday I ate an entire bowl of jjamppong and gave myself a stomachache. I was about to hurl. I eat like I haven't eaten for days. And if I don't put something in my mouth every two hours, I swear my baby starts eating my stomach lining. Or so it feels.

Connie made a remark yesterday about how I'm probably having a boy since I'm always hungry. And I think I remember reading this somewhere in the What to Expect book. Boys have a bigger appetite, so you're more prone to eat more, too.

Sometimes I really don't want to find out and have it be a surprise. Am I crazy? Do I think I'm that patient?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Worry Wart

(9/11 memories)

Today was a weird day. Well, the morning was pretty creepy. I was sitting on the bus going through Facebook when I noticed a man get up and go up to the bus driver. He was wearing jeans, a button down and a black beanie and carrying two black bags. He started talking to the bus driver about 9.11 and Osama Bin Laden and terrorism. Everyone in the bus started looking around in panic. I was so freaked out, I was pretty sure I was going to cry. I texted Dave and told him what was going on. It was just so weird that the guy would do this as we were heading towards the Lincoln Tunnel. Okay, so I thought the bus was going to be hijacked. But I know I wasn’t the only passenger who thought that. (I’m not going crazy.)

Sheesh. I often think about what would happen if I died while I was pregnant, causing Dave to be a widow and dad of an unborn child. Gets me so sad when I think about it. And then on the flip side, I think about how it would be if Dave passed away all of a sudden during the next few months before I deliver. Again, tragic. I don’t know what I would do without him in the delivery room. My gosh, thinking about it makes me tear.

If something happened to one of us after the child was born then it would be a different story. I would probably just move in with my folks or something. I have no idea what Dave would do. He’d probably take our child and move out to Hawaii or something. Okay, why am I thinking about all these morbid thoughts…. Happy thought = happy baby

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

End of summer...

(first sonogram photo at 7.5/8 weeks)

Wow, I haven’t blogged in two weeks. I’m a terrible mommy blogger. Not that so much has happened. Let’s see… Hurricane Irene ripped through the Northeast, causing waves of panic all throughout the tri-state area and beyond. They pretty much shut down the city and people were stuck in their homes all weekend. We stocked up on water bottles and food, but we were able to make it out to brunch the next morning just fine. Good thing we moved out of our first apartment in Hoboken or we might have been s-c-r-e-w-e-d.

The end of summer is always nice at work since people are all away on vacation and it’s so relaxing in the office. It’s awesome since I only went into work a handful of times the past two weeks, which really worked out since my nausea started to really kick in at around week 8. My long commute to and from work is taking a toll on my body bit by bit. It’s actually not so much the length of the commute; it’s more so the stop-and-go motion of the bus. By the time I get out I want to head to straight to a bathroom and hurl. Speaking of, I haven’t been throwing up. At all. Which is really great. In fact, I have slight nausea here and there and the occasional headache (and an uncomfortable feeling in my lower back) but other than that, it’s been pretty easy going. Also probably cause I’ve been sleeping for 10 hours at home each day. Ha.

My appetite this past week was out of control. All I wanted to eat was fried, nasty grease. Kid you not. White Castle burgers, McDonald’s French fries, pad thai and tonkatsu were on my mind. And I generally don’t like fried, oily foods but something in my gut—literally—kept craving it. I’m pretty sure I’ve packed on like 7 pounds since my last doctor’s visit. I’m scared to step on a scale tomorrow.

Going back to my last doctor’s visit… so we went to Dr. Chong for my first prenatal visit. Let’s just say, that’s the last time I’ll be seeing him. He was fine, but that was the most perfunctory exam I’ve ever received. And it almost felt like he was uncomfortable looking at me (you know where). How’s the dude supposed to deliver my baby if he can’t look at me down there with a straight face? Plus, he’s way too Koreanized for my taste (he gave me a pamphlet in Korean). The only cool part was that we got to see our baby on the screen and hear his/her heartbeat! It was a crazy experience for sure. So tomorrow we go see Dr. Amerson, which I’m kind of excited about. I’m hoping we’ll get to see the baby on the screen again. I think it should look less like a tadpole now.